Hank, meet Mulder
by lateBloomer04
Summary: X-Files/Californication crossover. What happens when Hank's long lost cousin Fox and a guest come to stay with him in CA? Let's just say Scully is a very lucky woman! Set post XF series.
1. Hank's Blog

Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Fox, Californication belongs to Tom Kapinos and Showtime. David Duchovny is just the common factor, and more importantly, the inspiration!

A/N: So my friend pirateangel1286 asked (or was it dared) me to write an X-Files/Californication crossover where Mulder and Scully meet Hank. So I started writing one. The first chapter is an introduction, with Hank's blog. It gives those who've never seen Californication before some of Hank's background. Basically Hank is an even bigger screw-up than Mulder, who looks like Mulder, who is just as loveable as Mulder. That's all you really need to know, other than it's set post XF series.

Warning: Hank uses the f word, which is very IC for Hank.

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Ch. 1

You can't always get what you want. Well, you don't have to tell _me_ that - I found out first hand. I had just published the quintessential American novel, and it wasn't long before Hollywood came a-knocking at my door, asking me to write the screenplay. But if I'd known then what I know now, I would've run screaming in the other direction. Unfortunately, I decided to forgo spending time with my longtime girlfriend and daughter for long workdays on the movie set. I thought I could save the movie (_A Crazy Little Thing Called Love _starring TomKat) that was based on my book. I was wrong.

What _did_ happen was that my life turned to shit. My Karen started spending some extra time with a colleague named Bill. Out of the blue, I find out one day that she'd been cheating on me with this Bill. (To be fair, we really hadn't been talking, but that's no excuse.) I don't know which was more insulting, the fact that she'd given up on me, or the fact that she was replacing me with the most boring douchebag on the face of the earth. Next thing I know, we're fighting over which weekends that our daughter Becca gets to stay with us. If _that_ wasn't bad enough, several months later the movie tanked. My great American novel had been turned into a piece of crap so over-simplified, trivialized, and romanticized that it was unrecognizable to me. I might as well not have wasted so many hours of my life on that set.

And so, one year later rolls around and I still haven't written anything. (Except for this blog, which I only write because it puts food on the table.) Let me clarify – I haven't written anything worth reading. I'm stuck in a rut, looking for inspiration to strike. But it never does. Hell, I don't know if I'll ever write anything truly great again. Because before I do, I'd have to get my shit together, which is so much easier said than done. I'd have to give up the smoking, the drinking, and the meaningless sex with beautiful women. The first two I guess I could manage (if I really tried, which I haven't) but the women? That would be rather difficult. It's not my fault if practically every babe in this town of age throws themselves at me! What am I supposed to do, turn them down? No. I wouldn't want to damage their already fragile self-esteem. Women in this town are fucked up enough by the film industry, it's the least I can do not to make them suffer the sharp sting of rejection. My agent Charlie tells me he'd kill to have my way with the ladies, but to tell you the truth, when I'm with them, all I see is what I have lost. Karen was my everything, and now she's with _Bill_. Life is crap.

This week, to add to my misery, I get a call from a long-lost relative who says he's coming out to California for a vacation. It turns out it's my weird cousin Fox Mulder, who I haven't seen since I was twelve and he was nine. At the last family reunion, he wouldn't stop talking my ear off about how he thought alien life on earth existed. I vaguely remember him as the brainy kid who had seen too many episodes of Star Trek, the kid that wouldn't stop following me around. At the time, I would've been happy if I never had to see the guy again. And it turns out, that I never had to, until now.

See, ever since Fox's little sister Samantha was kidnapped, my father didn't want to have anything to do with his sister Teena's family for some reason. I didn't question it – I was just thrilled I didn't have to babysit Fox again. Many years later I heard that Fox had become an FBI agent, a job I considered much too cool for him. Then I learned that he managed to become the dorkiest and most bothersome agent in the history of the Bureau by opening an investigative unit that specialized in unsolved cases related to the paranormal. I knew he hadn't changed much - only Fox could pull off a spectacular feat like that. And now he was coming to Hollywood, partially to spend time with his favorite cousin Hank. (Forgive me if I don't jump for joy.) I could've given him a number of excuses why I couldn't see him when he came in town. But being the kind and considerate guy that I am, I offered to let Fox and his guest stay at my place. Will their visit be a disaster? Will Fox drive me up a wall? I would venture a yes on both accounts, the way my wonderful life is going lately. But then again, perhaps this visit could be just the thing to jumpstart my life again. One can only hope.

Yours with the utmost respect,

-Hank Moody

P.S. Interested in hearing about my weekend with my weird cousin Fox? Just wait until my next entry where I will spill all the fascinating little details. I'm so looking forward to it.

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End Chapter 1

A/N: So what did you think?

Also, the second season for Californication airs on Sept. 28, 2008 in the U.S. for those of you who are interested, like me.


	2. First Impressions

Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Fox, Californication belongs to Tom Kapinos and Showtime. David Duchovny is just the common factor, and more importantly, the inspiration!

A/N: I'm so happy that I actually got some responses to this story! I didn't know if anyone would be interested. But apparently there are more Californication fans that lurk in the XF section than I thought! Cool. So here is the second installment – enjoy!

Ch. 2: First Impressions

After an excruciating day of trying to write and producing nothing, it was time for Hank to pick up his cousin Fox and his guest from the airport. On the way, Hank pondered what kind of person Fox could actually convince to come on vacation with him. Hank remembered Fox calling the person Scully, which was no help. His imagination running wild now, Hank deduced that Scully was more than likely his cousin's F.B.I. partner, which would explain why Fox was calling him by his last name.

But Hank still wasn't positive about the nature of Fox and this Scully's relationship. When he'd mentioned to Fox that all he had to offer for them to sleep on was a foldout couch, his cousin laughed and assured him that it wouldn't be a problem for them. This led Hank to believe that his cousin might possibly be gay. Which was fine – hardly anyone gave a damn about sexual orientation in L.A. anyway. But Hank had never imagined his cousin to be gay, so it would take a little getting used to. Just as long as Fox and his partner didn't start becoming overly affectionate in front of him, he wouldn't have a problem with it. In turn, Hank, being the courteous host that he was, would make sure that any girls that he might happen to pick up would be taken straight to his bedroom. Anything that might happen would do so behind a closed door. It only was the polite thing to do.

Finally after two long hours being stuck in traffic jams, Hank pulled into the Los Angeles International Airport parking garage. He checked his watch and found that he had arrived twenty minutes early, which meant he had about thirty minutes until he'd have to meet his cousin. So Hank went into the airport, found Fox's flight's terminal, and took a seat at one of the nearby bars to wait. He figured if he had to drive all the way out here to pick up Fox, he might as well get a drink out of the trip.

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Meanwhile, Fox Mulder and his partner, Dana Scully, had just touched down in LAX. Scully had never been more grateful to land, because her partner (in all senses of the word) wasn't doing so well. Poor Mulder had been sick with a bad sore throat for the past few days, and all Scully wanted to do was get him to his cousin's house and in bed. All during the flight Mulder had fretted over meeting his cousin, who he hadn't seen since he was nine. (Mulder wasn't keen on letting Hank know that he sounded hoarse every time he tried to talk.) Scully just listened and tried to keep her eye-rolling down to a minimum, taking pity on her Mulder since he was sick.

"Are we there yet, Scullee?" Mulder whined as the plane taxied into their gate in Terminal B.

"Almost," she sighed, feeling his forehead. It seemed warmer than normal. "Mulder, you feel a little hot to me. As soon as we get to your cousin's house, I'm taking your temperature."

"I'm only a_ little_ hot?" He pouted, sticking out his lower lip. "Scully, that really hurt." She rolled her eyes.

"Well you can't be that sick if you haven't lost your sense of humor." He just grinned at her, his green eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I think I'm just sick enough for you to play doctor to me tonight in-"

"Mulder!" She hissed. "Not here."

"Fine," he said, his expression sullen. But Scully knew he wasn't mad, he was just frustrated that they were on vacation and he wasn't feeling his best.

Just then the captain announced that the passengers were free to disembark, which caused everyone to rush for their bags in the overhead compartments. Unfortunately, a young band student lost a hold of her French horn case, and ended up bonking Mulder with it on the nose. Blushing, the girl apologized, and Scully ushered her on her way, climbing back into the row of seats to tend to Mulder who was quietly whimpering in pain.

"It hurts, Scully," he whispered. She sighed, knowing that in a few minutes the bump on his nose would start to swell.

"I'm sorry, Mulder," she said, squeezing his hand. "You have the worst luck travelling of anyone I know." Mulder snorted in agreement.

"I just want to get out of here." She nodded, and gathered up their suitcases. Mulder tried to carry her bag, but Scully wouldn't have it.

"You need to keep your strength up," she insisted, giving him the rolling suitcase to pull instead.

"Oh really?" He smirked. "For what may I ask?" Scully closed her eyes, and rubbed her temple as if she had a headache. Vacation with Mulder - why had she ever thought that this would be a good idea?

333

Eventually the two agents made it up the walkway and out into the terminal. They made a funny sight for any passerby that happened to see them. The petite woman was carrying the large bulky suitcase with no problem, while the man struggled to pull the rolling suitcase. It was almost a comical scene, especially when the man kept dropping his suitcase handle.

"Scully, I can't let Hank see me like this," Mulder moaned, who was holding a hand over his nose as they walked down the terminal hallway.

"I wouldn't want him to see you like this either," she admitted. "You look ridiculous holding your hand in front of your nose!" Mulder scowled at her.

"No, I mean I don't want him to see me with my nose all swollen! It's big enough at it is." They stopped to rest a bit, just after they passed security.

"I happen to love your nose, Mulder," she said, lightly kissing the tip. "And if Hank says anything about it, I can always arrest him or something." Mulder chuckled. "From what I've heard of him, he'd probably enjoy that." She raised her eyebrows.

"Just what have you heard of him?"

"I know that he's a real womanizer," said Mulder, shaking his head. "So be on your guard." She rolled her eyes.

"Relax, I'll be fine. He's your _cousin_! And besides, he knows that I'm with you."

"Ah, well…" Mulder trailed off nervously. "About that..."

"You didn't tell him about us?" Scully gaped at him, incredulous.

"I hinted at it, but I don't think he got the message." Mulder sighed. "But don't worry, I'll set him straight first thing, alright?" She nodded, gently pressing on his nose to check on the extent of the damage.

"Ow," he muttered. She sighed – sometimes Mulder could be a big baby.

"It's looking pretty bad, I'm afraid. You stay here and I'll go get you some ice." Mulder frowned as she dropped her suitcase at his feet.

"But what if Hank comes?"

"We arrived thirty minutes early," Scully reminded him. "He's probably not even in the airport yet."

"Hurry," Mulder called after her. He watched as Scully disappeared around the corner, wishing that Hank would show up so they could finally get out of the airport.

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Scully kept up a brisk walk as she searched for a place that would have some ice. She had just come upon a bar when nature called. Vowing to get the ice just after she relieved herself, Scully ducked into the bathroom. It wasn't long before she left the bathroom, feeling quite refreshed. Remembering her ailing partner, Scully made her way over to the bar, planning to ask the bartender to make her a makeshift icepack. But then she saw that Mulder was already sitting at the bar – she'd recognize the back of his head anywhere. He must've walked to the bar while she'd been in the bathroom. But then if that was Mulder, where was their luggage? Scully groaned, not happy that he'd just left their belongings behind to go have a drink of… was that bourbon? And so, in true Scully fashion, she decided to give him a piece of her mind.

"Mulder, where the hell is our luggage?" She exploded, walking up right behind him. "I know you're sick, but that doesn't give you an excuse to-" But then the man turned around and Scully inwardly gasped. The man looked an awful lot like Mulder, he was even wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt like Mulder was currently wearing, but he was not Mulder.

"I'm not Mulder," said the man, reaffirming what she already knew. Taking a closer look, Scully could pinpoint the subtle differences. This man's dark hair had some highlights, his skin had a healthy tan, and he hadn't shaved that day. But other than that, he was a dead ringer for her partner. He had the same piercing green eyes, the same jutting lower lip, even his voice was practically the same. All of those physical attributes that she found so attractive in Mulder, this man had as well. Oh boy…

"I realize that now," said Scully, her face burning with embarrassment as several travelers watched the scene with interest. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Don't worry about it," Hank said with a chuckle. Someone had already mistaken him for his odd cousin Fox! He knew that when Fox arrived things would get a little crazy, but Hank wasn't complaining about this incident. The redhead before him was gorgeous! He wasn't about to pass up this opportunity to get to know her better. "Why don't you sit down and have a drink with me?"

"Ah, I don't think so," said Scully, realizing just who she was speaking to. She turned to the bartender. "What I really need is-"

"…to tell me your name," Hank finished, turning her back toward him. "You only get a free drink from me if I know your name."

"Fine," Scully snapped irritably, deciding that now was as good a time as any to reveal her identity. She shrugged away from his light grip on her arm. "I'm Dana Scully. Happy?" Hank's jaw dropped as he put two and two together. _This_ was Fox's guest?

"I thought you were going to be a man," said Hank, wincing as he realized what he said. Scully just shook her head in disbelief.

"Is this how you talk to all the ladies, Hank?" He shook his head.

"I didn't mean to offend you," Hank apologized, his eyes sweeping her body. "You are quite a beautiful woman, Dana."

"It's Scully, Hank," she growled, folding her arms across her chest. "Why are you so surprised that your cousin has a female partner?"

"I don't know," he mumbled. "He never mentioned that he was bringing a woman, so I just assumed that you were a man." Scully sighed.

"You still thought I was a man when Mulder told you he'd have no problem sharing the foldout couch with me?"

"Yeah," Hank admitted. "It crossed my mind that Fox was gay."

"What?" Scully cried. "_Mulder?_ Are you kidding me?"

"No, you're the one who must be kidding me," Hank exclaimed. "There's no way that my dorky cousin Fox, Fox-the-alien-chaser, could get you to sleep with him."

"_Excuse me_?" Came the hoarse voice from behind Scully. Hank gulped as he watched Dana Scully's eyes light up at the sight of a furious Fox Mulder with a swollen nose. Somehow this wasn't quite the family reunion he had pictured…

End Ch. 2

A/N: Let me know what you think!!


	3. Seeing Double!

Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Fox, Californication belongs to Tom Kapinos and Showtime. David Duchovny is just the common factor, and more importantly, the inspiration!

A/N: Again, I was pleasantly pleased to find that I had an audience for this fic now that our favorite couple has arrived! Hopefully I stayed as true to the characters as possible when I wrote their first meeting. As much as Scully is annoyed by Hank, she still has to appreciate the man because he looks and speaks almost exactly like Mulder! Haha. I hope you like the third installment!

Ch. 3: Seeing Double

The ex-writer swallowed his panic, reminding himself that it was just _Fox_. Hank hadn't really insulted him that badly, at least not according to his standards. Still, his cousin looked pretty pissed. So Hank considered himself to be fortunate when Mulder was suddenly consumed by a sneezing attack.

"Achoo! Achoo! ACHOO!"

Mulder tried to cover his nose with his hands but both Hank and Scully could tell that globs of yellow snot were flying everywhere. While Scully rooted around in her purse for a tissue, Hank used this opportune moment to gulp down the rest of his bourbon. By the time Mulder had gotten his mucus problem under control, Hank was hopeful that he'd forgotten the whole thing.

"It's good to see you Fox," said Hank in a falsely cheery voice as he stood up to greet him. "You look a lot different than the last time I saw you."

"And you look like the same asshole as ever," growled Mulder. He'd meant to sound harsh, but his nose was still somewhat stuffed up so it didn't quite have the intimidating effect on Hank that he'd been going for. Hence, Hank's chuckle.

"Mulder!" Scully hissed. "Be nice."

"What did I do to deserve this sort of cold reception?" Hank asked, his face a picture of perfect innocence that Scully tried hard not to find absolutely adorable.

"You just insulted Scully and I in the same sentence!" Mulder exclaimed.

"I don't know what you mean," Hank said smoothly. His cousin glared at him.

"You insulted Scully by assuming that she was automatically sleeping with me because we were travelling together, and you insulted me by assuming that she wouldn't ever want to sleep with me."

"I was kidding!" Hank insisted. Scully raised her eyebrows at him, indicating otherwise.

"Shall we start heading towards the parking garage?" she suggested. "You two can argue as we walk."

"Good idea, Dana," said Hank with a charming grin.

"It's Scully!" Both agents yelled. Mulder looked absolutely furious that Hank dared to call her Dana, a name that he reserved for Scully only on special occasions or during nighttime activities.

"Okay, okay!" Hank backed off, at least for now.

Scully tried to discreetly pick up the bulky suitcase Mulder was toting around, but he wouldn't have it. She could understand his need to act like a macho man in front of his older cousin, but for the love of God, her partner was _sick_! He had a sore throat, a nose cold, and she also strongly suspected he had a fever. Plus, for all she knew, his nose could be broken. It was just unreal how many ailments Mulder had contracted in just the past few hours. But he didn't believe that any of that got him off the hook where Hank was concerned.

"So, Hank, do you have anything planned for us while we're down here?" Scully asked, trying to clear the air between the newly reunited cousins as they headed towards the exit.

"No, not really," said Hank, making an effort to walk right beside her while poor Mulder lagged behind. "It's really up to you what you do while you're here. I'm just glad that you're here in L.A. because I've been looking forward to your visit ever since you called."

"Cut the crap, Hank," Mulder scoffed. "You haven't been looking forward to our visit. You've never even _liked_ me!"

"Now what gave you that idea?" Hank asked, sounding wounded by that comment. Scully knew better.

"You hated it when my family used to visit when I was a kid," said Mulder. "You once locked me in your closet that was stocked with your fireworks collection, remember?"

"That doesn't sound so bad," said Scully. She'd endured much worse treatments at the hand of her brothers when she'd been younger. Mulder sighed.

"One of the fuses was lit."

"What?" Scully stopped dead in her tracks and whacked Hank with her purse. Hard.

"Owww!" cried Hank, glowering at Scully. "What the hell was that for?"

"That was for what you did to Mulder!" She exploded. "You fueled his terrible phobia of fire! You're lucky I don't have access to my gun right now."

"Scully, did you have to tell him about that?" Mulder whined.

"Fox is afraid of _fire_? Really?" Hank sounded delighted about it.

"Not anymore," Mulder shot back angrily. "I was forced to overcome my fear when I had to save someone from a fire in the line of duty."

"I didn't know F.B.I. agents were serving as firefighters these days," said Hank without missing a beat.

"Scully," Mulder complained.

"Hank," Scully sighed.

"Fox," Hank whined. Scully just rolled her eyes at them both. _ Men. _

_333_

Thankfully, it didn't take long before they had left the airport and had found Hank's black convertible in the garage. Hank made a big show of helping Scully with her bag while Mulder struggled to lift his into the trunk.

"Mulder, you look exhausted," Scully fretted, standing on tip-toe to feel his forehead. "I hate to say it, but I think your fever feels worse."

"Why don't you lay down in the back seat, and Scully can sit up front with me?" Hank offered.

"No thank you," Mulder growled. "Scully stays with me."

"Possessive, much?" Hank raised his eyebrows. Mulder was about to deck his cousin when Scully stepped in between them.

"Will you guys stop it?" Mulder had the decency to look ashamed, but Hank just gave her a cheeky smirk. Scully decided she might just deck Hank herself and save Mulder the trouble. "Mulder, get in the back," she ordered. "Hank, I'm sitting with Mulder. Got it?"

"Yes ma'm," they mumbled. Scully and Mulder crawled into the back and situated themselves with his head resting in her lap so that he could be as comfortable as possible. He stared up at her with his sad puppy-dog eyes, looking so miserable from his various ailments that she wanted to kiss him. But, considering their present company, she didn't.

"Mulder, can you breathe through your nose alright?" Scully asked, gently stroking his cheek.

"I think so," said Mulder, still sounding pathetically congested. "Thanks for taking such good care of me, Scully."

"Anytime, Spooky," she grinned. Hank made a gagging sound from the front seat as he pulled out of the parking garage.

"So what's the story with you two?" He asked.

"Well, he's my best friend," Scully began. Now she wasn't so sure if she wanted Hank to know the nature of her relationship with Mulder. But then again, if he knew she was completely committed to Mulder, then perhaps he would leave her alone for the rest of the trip.

"We're partners," Mulder said cautiously, as if that explained everything.

"What the hell does that mean?" Hank wondered. "Does that mean work partners, or partner partners, or are you just friends with benefits?"

"Apparently, Scully, according to Hank, our relationship can be programmed, categorized, or easily referenced," said Mulder. She snorted quietly at that.

"Oh, so it's a relationship!" Hank grinned. "Tell me more."

"I don't think so," Mulder said firmly. "Our relationship is our business, and it's private." Scully squeezed his hand and he squeezed it back.

"I'm all for that - that's why you two have the foldout couch, and my room is on the opposite side of the house," said Hank, nodding. "So, tell me, Dana, what do you see in a guy like Fox?" This time, Scully didn't bother wasting the energy correcting him about what she'd prefer to be called.

"It's really hard to explain it," said Scully, all the while gently running her fingers through her lover's dark hair, trying her best to soothe him. "Like all of us he has his faults, but I know that deep down, Mulder has a good heart. Also, I know he deeply cares about me."

"Really," said Hank, not convinced.

"Yes, really," said Scully. "Once he went to all the way to Antarctica just to save me!"

"Antarctica?" Hank wondered if he'd underestimated his cousin a bit as he merged onto the freeway. "Yeah, nothing says 'I love you' like a rescue mission to the South Pole."

"Not only that, Mulder has a unique sense of humor that I've come to appreciate over the years," said Scully, pretending that she hadn't heard his somewhat witty interruption.

"Yeah, he has a unique fashion sense too," said Hank under his breath, causing Mulder to wonder if he'd made a mistake by wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt to travel to California in.

"He's also fiercely loyal, insanely intelligent, and I doubt if there's a person in this world I could trust more than Mulder," Scully finished, gazing at him with a deep devotion Hank had rarely seen in the eyes of a woman.

"And he's not bad to look at," Hank added. "Eh? Am I right?" _Shit._ Scully knew exactly where_ this_ was going.

"I didn't choose to spend the rest of my life with Mulder just because of his looks," sighed Scully, exasperated with Hank. "Where's the practicality in that? No, I needed someone who could truly connect with me, and I found that in my partner. Mulder gets me, and I get him; it's as simple as that."

"That's all fine and good, but aren't you physically attracted to him at least a little bit?" Hank pried.

"Well, yes," Scully admitted. How could she_ not_ be? "But it's mostly his personality that I-"

"Do you think I look like Fox?" Hank pressed her to answer. Not knowing what would be the best answer to give for_ that_ question, Scully hemmed and hawed a little. It wouldn't do for Mulder to find out just how attractive she really found Hank to be, even if it was only because he reminded her of Mulder.

"I, uh… I guess you do," admitted Scully. "You two do look very similar." Hank smirked again.

"_How_ similar?" Scully glanced down at Mulder again, but he had appeared to have fallen asleep.

"Besides the obvious? Oddly, you two have a couple of the same mannerisms," said Scully.

"Like what?" Hank demanded to know. "Give me an example."

"Like quickly flicking your tongue in and out of your mouth at the most inopportune of times," said Scully with a blush.

"Scully!" Mulder groaned. _Yikes! _ She hadn't known he was still awake. Hank gave Mulder a triumphant smile in the rear view mirror, which irked the agent to no end.

"Mulder, I have to admit that he bears a strong physical resemblance to you," she said patiently.

"Only because I'm his cousin," Mulder mumbled. And then he really did fall asleep, leaving Scully to talk by herself with their gracious host Hank.

End Ch. 3.

A/N: So they haven't even made it to Hank's house yet. But it should be interesting to see what this fic turns into! I have some ideas, but nothing is set in stone. Let me know if you have any suggestions or comments! Thanks.

:Edit:

A/N: In light of recent news, I'm putting this story on hiatus for about a week. Then I'll start updating again.


	4. Hank Speaks

Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Fox, Californication belongs to Tom Kapinos and Showtime. David Duchovny is just the common factor, and more importantly, the inspiration!

A/N: I finally felt like writing about Hank again. I feel a little strange doing so, given the news about DD. (Which I think it's awesome he's getting help, don't get me wrong.) But really, that's totally separate from Hank. I'm still going ahead with the story. This time I made the subject matter a little more serious now that Hank and Scully are opening up about their lives. The funny stuff is still there, however.

Warning: More use of the F word.

Ch. 4: Hank Speaks

Just as the sun dipped behind the trees (or was it buildings?), Hank pulled into the garage that attached to his modest home on the outskirts of the city – and not a moment too soon! As much as he enjoyed spending time with a beautiful, intelligent woman like Dana Scully, she was starting to drive him up a wall. And it wasn't just the fact that she'd flat out refused to sleep with him. When they stopped at a stoplight, Hank took out a cigarette but before he could light it, Scully grabbed it from his hand and threw it outside. Hank protested her actions, which led to a long rant about the negative effects that smoking has on one's health and the environment. After that, Hank decided to play it safe, at least for the time being. He had been able to get her to talk a little bit about her experience working with Fox and the F.B.I. which was somewhat interesting. But when he asked how Fox got her to sleep with him, Scully snapped at him and told him to "mind his own damn business". Needless to say, Hank remained silent the rest of the trip.

As soon as Hank turned off his car, Scully gently shook her partner awake. She knew he would kill her if she allowed Hank to help her get him out of the car.

"Wha… wazgoinon?" Mulder slurred as Scully gently caressed his face.

"Mulder, it's me," she said softly. His eyes flickered open to lock with hers. At that moment, Hank could tell that he was intruding on something very private. He was a writer, and his profession had given him insight into the lives of others. Hank knew that those three words really meant something to the couple. But instead of giving them their moment alone as any decent person would do, Hank stayed and watched.

"Scully? I stdill don't feel good," he mumbled. She sighed.

"I know, Mulder. We've just arrived at Hank's place. Do you think you can walk inside?"

"Yeah," Mulder said bravely as he sat up with minimal assistance from his partner. He'd be damned if he'd accept any assistance from Hank, who he was almost positive he heard trying to pick up Scully while he was still in the car. "Scully is duh room spinning, or is it jusd be?" She winced, realizing that if he was experiencing vertigo that his cold must be more serious than she'd originally thought.

"You need to lie down, Mulder," she said, confirming his suspicions that his cold was worsening. When Mulder didn't make some sort of crack or innuendo, she knew that things were really serious.

"I'll get the door for you," Hank said gallantly, swinging the back door of his home open with great gusto.

"Thanks, Hank," said Scully as she helped drag Mulder inside. "If you could bring in our bags, that would be great."

"Sure, anything you want," said Hank with a wink that Mulder fortunately didn't see. "Your room is the second door on the left." With Hank temporarily occupied, Scully felt like she could focus all of her energy on her sick patient. She slowly led Mulder down the hall and into the guestroom, where he promptly collapsed on the bed. After helping him out of his shoes, feeling his burning forehead, and tucking him into bed, Scully decided that the next step was to alleviate his pain and reduce his fever.

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get you some painkillers," Scully promised before she dashed out of the room. Mulder just moaned in response.

"Hank, do you have any Ibuprofen?" Scully asked as she met him in the hall.

"No, but I do have some Tylenol," he recalled as he disappeared into the guest bathroom. He reappeared and gave Scully his entire supply to use.

"This will do," she told him before he went back into the garage to bring in the remainder of their luggage. Scully remembered to get Mulder a cool cloth for his head and a glass of water to take his meds before she returned to him.

"Dod leave be again Scully," he whimpered after he'd taken the Tylenol.

"I'll just be gone one more time," she said, gently patting his forehead with the cloth. "I need to ask Hank if he wouldn't mind getting dinner together for us."

"No, I don't wad you to have dinder wid Hank," he moaned, sounding like the most pitiful thing Scully had ever heard. "Scully, I doe you musd be attracted to hib."

"What?" She cried. "Mulder, that's absurd. I love _you_, not a womanizer who constantly smokes and drinks. Here, blow your nose." Scully had found the box of tissues that rested on the desk, and brought them over to her stuffed-up partner.

"Bud he looks like be, only he's a tander ad sexier version of be," said Mulder after he was finished blowing.

"Mulder, did you just call your cousin 'sexy'?" Scully asked, raising an eyebrow. He sighed, and succumbed to a coughing fit.

"You doe what I meand," he growled when his coughing had subsided. "I just dink he has more charisma thad me."

"Regardless if that's true or not," Scully began, secretly thinking that it was, "I'm not someone who's going to leave you for your freakishly look-alike cousin just because you're sick! Mulder, you should know me better than that."

"It's dot you I'b worried aboud," he mumbled. "It's hib."

"Mulder, I've handled worse," she reminded him. "Remember Morris Fletcher? I think he has this guy beat."

"Dot in duh looks depardment," Mulder shot back. "I remember how you said he was so dab ugly."

"I just need one minute with him right now, that's all," Scully said patiently as she temporarily removed the cloth to kiss his forehead. "Don't go anywhere."

Mulder glared at her as if she was betraying him as she walked out the door, but she didn't buy into it. She knew she needed to get Mulder to eat something before he went to bed, and she couldn't fix anything for him if she was in the room with him. Hank sure as hell wasn't going to take the initiative to start dinner, so Scully was going to have to prompt him.

"Hank, do you think you could make dinner tonight?" Scully called as she walked down the hall into the kitchen area. "I was thinking that-"

"Yesssss?" A most seductive voice spoke into her ear, causing her to jump and stifle a scream as she whirled around to find the culprit.

"Jesus, Hank, you scared me," she gasped. "Don't you dare do that again while we're here! Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Mom," sighed Hank. Scully just shook her head, remembering that that remark was a favorite of Mulder's as well whenever she'd ask him not to do something.

"I need you to make dinner while I tend to Mulder," she stated. "Think you can handle that, smart guy?"

"If you count heating up leftover lasagna as dinner, then I'm your man." Scully exhaled with relief.

"And I need you to make Mulder some soup, Chicken Noodle if you have it." Hank just stared at Scully as if she'd made a really bizarre or difficult request.

"Who do you think I am, Martha Stewart?" He shot back, causing Scully to groan in dismay.

"Would you just look? I think you can handle soup, Hank," she said, giving him a pointed look.

"I think you can handle soup, Hank," he muttered in a high pitched voice after she'd just left the room. "I swear to God…" Hank walked over to his pantry, which just happened to have several cans of Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup. (Hank just loved the stuff, but he wasn't going to admit to liking anything that Fox did.) He pulled out one, and decided to make it later. As he heated up the last of the lasagna, he prayed that Fox would fall asleep. Then, Scully would be forced to eat dinner with him!! Perhaps over dinner she'd be more willing to open up to him.

333

"Hank's going to make dinner for all of us," Scully announced as she breezed back into the guestroom.

"Fabulous," Mulder groaned. Scully took a double take at her partner and saw that his form beneath the covers was shaking with cold.

"He said he was even going to check and see if he has Chicken Noodle," she informed him as she removed her heels and climbed in to bed with him. Scully felt him scoot away from her, which hurt her feelings just a little.

"Scully, I dod wand to ged you sick," Mulder weakly protested but she scoffed at his attempt at chivalry.

"I'm not worried about that," she said, as he scooted back, curling his tall, freezing body around her petite frame. "I'm just worried about you. You were hot before, and now you're shivering."

"I'm fide, Scully," he insisted, causing her to laugh as she rubbed his arms at an attempt to warm him up.

"Isn't that my line, Mulder?" He chuckled, which set off another coughing episode. Scully reached over to the bedside table to grab his water glass. She helped him sit up so he could take a drink of water. Mulder ended up accidentally spilling a third of it down his front.

"Well, I guess I'm dot really fide." Scully gave him a sympathetic look, and kissed his stubbly cheek.

"Do you want me to get us another shirt? Another blanket perhaps?"

"Doe, Scully, you're all the warmth I deed." She smiled at that, because she knew that he meant it. Moments later, Scully heard his faints snores. Mulder always did have an easier time falling asleep if she was in bed with him. She debated whether or not to wake him, but decided that his body needed the rest. And so, she skillfully maneuvered her way out of his arms. After Scully pulled her shoes back on, she watched her partner's chest rise and fall. He looked so serene and peaceful when he was asleep, no longer plagued by the worries of their day-to-day existence. Scully wished there was something more she could do for him, but then her stomach growled and reminded her that it needed food, and fast! So she tiptoed out of the room and shut the door, reluctantly planning to join Hank for dinner.

333

"Mmm, something smells good," Scully commented as she walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the small wooden table. Hank hadn't managed to botch the lasagna, from the smell of things. Which was a relief – Scully hadn't eaten anything substantial all day.

"Oh, so you finally noticed," said Hank without missing a beat. "It's a newer cologne, but-"

"Will you give it a rest?" She asked, effectively interrupting him. "I just want to eat my dinner and then get back to Mulder. That's all." She just shook her head at him. "It's no wonder she left you."

"Karen left because of her guilt," Hank snapped. "She was the one who cheated on me, not vice versa. Next time get your facts straight, Dana, before you start making assumptions about people you hardly know." Blushing, Scully looked down at her plate.

"I-I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay," said Hank, sighing. "If I were in your shoes, I would've assumed the same thing. I mean, look at me. No wonder she cheated!" He shook his head. "She deserves someone better." Just then the microwave dinged, and Hank took out the steaming container of lasagna. He brought it over to the table and then rummaged around for some bottled waters for them to drink. (He wasn't about to bring out anything alcoholic, just in case she berated him for that too.)

"Hank, I'm sorry," Scully apologized, hoping that she sounded as sincere as she felt. "I know what it's like to get hurt." He snorted.

"I think we all have gotten hurt at one time or another. But thanks." They ate in silence, and Scully thought in vain of a topic that would be safe to bring up.

"Tell me about your daughter," she said after awhile. That was as safe a topic as any. Even though Hank was separated from the girl's mother, it didn't mean he would stop being a father to her.

"Becca?" Hank's eyes lost some of their melancholy as he began to speak about the one person who still gave a shit about him. "She's the most beautiful and well-adapted child ever. Even though she's only twelve, she acts like a grownup. Most of the time she's the one taking care of me, even though I'm supposed to be taking care of her. She's much more technologically savvy than her old man who still longs for his typewriter, and she's the lead singer in a rock band she founded with her friends…" Hank rattled on through most the meal about his daughter, which was fine with Scully. She found herself interested with what he had to say. When he wasn't trying to seduce her, Hank could be a pretty funny guy.

"I'll bet you really miss having her when she's over at Karen's," said Scully during a lull in the conversation.

"Yeah, I miss her so much," said Hank with a haunted look in his eyes. "If you had children, you'd understand." Scully winced at that.

"Oh, shit, did I say something wrong?" Hank worried. "Did you just have an abortion or something?" She shook her head, wondering why Hank always jumped to the strangest conclusions about things. Oh right, he was related to Mulder.

"Mulder and I had a son together named William," she explained. "It's been years since we've seen him, though. It's a long story, but I had to give him up…" Scully stopped talking and bit her lip, not wanting to break down in front of a practical stranger.

"Dana, it's okay," Hank soothed. "If you want to tell me the story, I'm here to listen." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Before I tell you the story, there's something that you need to know about Mulder and I. This might come as a shock but-"

"I get it, you're sleeping together," said Hank, rolling his eyes. "I got that a long time ago. That's usually the case when you have a child together." Scully sighed, thankful that Mulder had received the brains in the family, at least when it came to logic.

"No, Hank. I mean, yes we are, but ah…that's not what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that Mulder and I no longer work for the F.B.I. We're fugitives running from the law that had Mulder unfairly framed for the murder of a man who is still alive." Hank let out a low whistle.

"And I thought_ I_ had problems."

"You do now," Scully sighed. "You're harboring two fugitives. Mulder and I feel awful about tricking you into taking us in, but we had nowhere else to go. It really is a vacation for us, since we'll have a safe place to stay for the first time in what seems like forever." Hank shrugged.

"I could be arrested for many worse things than letting you stay here."

"Really?" Scully asked, intrigued. "Like what?" Hank winced.

"I don't think you'd want to know, especially the most recent indiscretion."

"I've seen a lot of sick stuff working on the X-Files," said Scully. "I'm sure whatever you have to say can't be any worse than that. So, spill."

"I dunno, I feel a little weird confessing to an F.B.I. agent," he admitted.

"Former agent," she reminded him. "Hank, whatever you did, I'm not going to arrest you! I couldn't, not when you've helped us so much. Unless…" she narrowed her eyes at him. "You didn't kill anyone, did you?" He shook his head. "Are you involved in a drug ring?" He shook his head again. "Are you part of the conspiracy to colonize the earth with human-alien hybrids?" Hank made a face at that one.

"No, but I did sleep with a sixteen year-old girl." Scully just stared at him in shock, disgusted by the behavior of this man before her.

"Hank, you didn't," she whispered.

"Hey, I didn't know she was sixteen," he defended himself. "She's a sixteen year-old with a twenty-three year-old body! Plus, she threw herself at me. Now how is that fair?"

"You're unbelievable, do you know that?" She said.

"It gets worse," he muttered.

"How can that get worse?!" Scully cried. "Unless you found out she just had an abortion or something."

"Haha," Hank said, the sarcasm practically dripping from his voice. "No. This sixteen year-old girl Mia is the daughter of the man that Karen is going to marry – Bill. How fucking disturbing is that?"

"It's pretty disturbing," she said. "Does Karen know?"

"Fuck, no," said Hank with a shudder. "I'm not stupid enough to tell her."

"Then I hope Mia keeps her mouth shut for your sake," said Scully. "Just imagine what Bill would do if he found out!"

"I'd really rather not, thanks," said Hank, starting to get a bit irritated. "So you and Mulder - how did that happen? Did it take a few years? Or have you guys been going at it since you were assigned together?" Scully raised her eyebrows.

"You think I'd sleep with him right when we were first assigned?"

"Well, no," said Hank. "You seem a like someone who takes morals just a little too seriously." Scully sighed.

"I'm not a prude, Hank."

"So when did you take the next step in your… relationship?" Scully shook her head. "You're either going to laugh or just think I'm lying."

"No I won't!" Hank exclaimed.

"Fine," said Scully. "It was seven years later, alright?" Poor Hank's eyes practically bugged out of his skull.

"SEVEN YEARS!?"

"Yes," sighed Scully. "I know, it does sound pretty ridiculous."

"Ridiculous doesn't begin to cover it. What the hell were you guys thinking?!" Hank exploded.

"I don't know," Scully admitted. "It's just how things turned out. It's probably for the best because by then our friendship had grown so strong over time."

"And that is why I will never understand women," said Hank, shaking his head.

"I'll drink to that," said Scully. "Cheers." They 'clinked' water bottled and both took large gulps of liquid.

"I'm curious," said Hank as he screwed the top back on his water bottle.

"Oh boy, this should be good," said Scully under her breath.

"What's Mulder like in bed? I never imagined he'd be very good at that stuff, but then again, he's held on to you for this long."

"Why, did you want to experience that first hand?" Scully was hoping that her response would gross him out, much like her comment to Mulder about him saying that Hank was sexy did earlier. Instead, Hank read just a little too much in to it.

"Are you and he offering? Because if you are, I'm game." Hank gave her a devilish smirk, causing her cheeks to glow crimson at even the thought of what he was suggesting. _I just can't win with this guy, _she thought._ Even years of verbal banter with Mulder hasn't prepared me to keep him in line._

"Well, I'd better get back to Mulder," she said hurriedly, not quite looking at him. "Thanks for the dinner, Hank."

"No problem," he smoothly replied as she stood up to leave. "Hey, Dana?"

"Yes?"

"If you don't want to disturb Fox while he's asleep, you could always come to my-"

"Goodnight, Hank," Scully said curtly. _The_ _man never quits trying, I'll give him that_, she thought to herself as she quietly entered the guestroom and shut the door behind her.

She got back into bed with Mulder, who didn't stir as she crawled back into her arms. Yes, this man had it all. He was her constant and touchstone. Scully doubted that Hank even knew what a touchstone was. He probably thought it was some sort of high-tech rock that was activated by touch, or that it was perhaps a synonym for the Blackberry. _Have you checked your Touchstone today?_ Chuckling at that thought, she joined Mulder in Dreamland.

End Ch. 4

A/N: So, what'd you think? Too serious? Is there anything you'd like them to do or talk about? (Don't worry, Mulder will be in the next chapter more.)

And no, the capitalization of the D in Dreamland is not an error, it's an injoke.


	5. Here Comes Trouble

Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Fox, Californication belongs to Tom Kapinos and Showtime. David Duchovny is just the common factor, and more importantly, the inspiration!

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated this until now. I do have an actual plot now, though so that is good. I really enjoyed season 2 of Cali and was glad that they renewed it for a third season. I hope you enjoy the update as I've introduced more of the Cali characters.

Ch. 5: Here Comes Trouble

Scully awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside and Mulder's faint snoring. She turned to look over at her partner, and absent-mindedly brushed his bangs away from his eyes. Still, he didn't stir. No matter, she would let him sleep. God knows he needed it. Honestly, Mulder got sick more than anyone she'd ever known. But, although she'd rather die than let anyone know it, she loved taking care of him. Mulder never let her baby him unless he was sick, so Scully actually treasured those times that she could go the extra mile for him. There was also the fact that he made an adorable patient…

Tearing her eyes away from the sleeping Mulder, Scully rose from the bed. After going through her usual morning routine, she slipped outside the guestroom, silently closing the door behind her. She tiptoed down the hall to the kitchen, finding it empty. Huh. She supposed Hank was still asleep, something she wouldn't find out of character for him. Hank did seem the type to stay up until the last possible moment and sleep in until the afternoon. That was fine with her. The less she had to see of Mulder's cousin, the better. He was definitely charming, but, like Mulder, he knew exactly how to push her buttons. Still, Scully was extremely grateful to Hank for letting them stay here. It was the first time during their short life as fugitives that she felt relatively safe. With that positive thought in mind, she decided to make breakfast for her and Mulder. And if Hank decided to wander in, she wouldn't mind sharing with him.

Scully rummaged through the fridge, deciding to make do with Hank's limited selection. She took out one of the egg cartons, making sure to check the expiration date. Then she brought out some shredded cheddar cheese, along with the bacon bits and a tomato. Mulder never could resist eating one of her omelets, so hopefully she could tempt him to eat at least a few bites. Scully went to work, beating the eggs until fluffy and then pouring them into a skillet, adding the toppings when called for.

"Is that for me?" Scully spun around to find bed head Hank standing before her dressed in naught but his pajama bottoms.

"Good morning to you, too," she replied, trying extra hard not to stare at Hank's well muscled chest. "It's for Mulder and I, but you can have some if you like."

"Oh good," grinned Hank as he took a seat at the kitchen counter. "I miss having someone cook for me."

"Don't get used to it," Scully warned. "Omelets are my specialty – I hardly know how to make anything else." The words had barely left her mouth when Scully heard a new voice coming from down the hall. And from the sound of it, the person was decidedly female.

"Don't look at me," Hank said defensively when Scully gave him an exasperated look. "I slept alone last night."

"Fine," said Scully. "Were you expecting anyone this morning?" Hank shook his head, bewildered as they headed towards the sound of the woman's shrill voice. Scully's omelet sat forgotten on the skillet.

_Meanwhile, in the guestroom_

"Hankie! Good morning," the voice cooed. "I want you." Mulder slowly opened his eyes to find a young brunette dressed in a school uniform staring down at him. Her long hair draped over his eyes, making it difficult to see. It was as if one of his old porn videos had come to life, with the leggy brunette's sultry tones telling him she wanted him. But suddenly a red flag alert registered in his brain. The brunette had called him Hank. Worse than that, the brunette wasn't Scully. Oh God, what if he'd cheated on her? Mulder didn't honestly think he would do that, but to be honest, his brain felt a little fuzzy at the moment.

"Ah!" Mulder screamed, but since he was hoarse he barely made a sound of protest. "Ib not Hank!"

"Sure you are," the girl said, nibbling on his ear. "Didn't you miss me, Hankie?" Mulder recoiled in fear. It seemed this girl was going to have her way with him, whether or not he was a willing participant.

"Leave be alode," Mulder whimpered, wondering where the hell Scully was and why his cousin was involved with a girl this young! "Scully!" He tried to scoot away from the girl, to no avail.

"Aw, Hankie is sick," the girl tutted, finally having realized Mulder's cold. She then climbed on top of him. "I can fix that," she said, giving Mulder a seductive smile as her hands wandered south.

"Please don't," Mulder moaned. He tried to push her off of him, but the girl had an iron grip on him with her legs. She wouldn't budge an inch. If only he had some of his strength back, he would show her! "Ib not Hank. By nabe is Fox Bulder and Ib in love wid someond else. If she catches you wid me, she will ged the wrong idea! Please stop." Mulder gave her the puppy-dog look that always seemed to work on Scully, but somehow (what a shocker) it just served to turn the girl on more.

That was how Scully and Hank found them when they burst into the bedroom. The girl was straddling a very terrified Mulder, whose eyes grew large with guilt the moment he saw his partner.

"Scully, it's not whad it looks like," Mulder pleaded, thankful that she knew he didn't have the strength to fight off this unwelcome intruder.

"I know, Mulder," Scully reassured him that she wasn't blaming him in the slightest for this odd predicament. "Get your hands off my partner," Scully growled at the young woman, wishing she had her gun on her. Who did this woman think she was? The girl did a double take at the real Hank, and then quickly moved off Mulder, swearing under her breath.

"Sorry, lady," said the girl. "I didn't realize that Hankie here had an identical twin."

"Shit," Hank mumbled as he realized what must've happened. He was starting to hate this physical resemblance between himself and Fox. "Mia, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to see what you were… up to," said Mia with a smirk. "Lucky me, I got to meet Fox here. He's a lot nicer than you, Hankie."

"You doe this girl?" Mulder said angrily, glaring at his cousin.

"We've met," Hank said with a grimace. Just then Scully put two and two together.

"Hank, don't tell me this is _her_?" Hank winced.

"This is just unbelievable," Scully grumbled.

"Does she look like she's sixteen?" Hank asked Scully, who reluctantly shook her head.

"What's going ond?" Mulder asked, bewildered. He hadn't been privy to Hank and Scully's discussion the night before about Hank's deepest and darkest sin.

"We fucked once," Mia offered smugly. Hank just hung his head in response.

"But… but…" Mulder stammered, wincing at the coarse language coming from the sixteen year-old hussy. "Aren't you a little young for hib?"

"I think we've already established that fact," said Hank through gritted teeth. "I didn't know she was sixteen at the time, alright?" Then Hank turned to Mia. "Next time you want to come over, to see Becca or whatever, you call me first. You got that?"

"Fine, Hankie, whatever you want," Mia agreed. "I'll just say goodbye, for now." Scully didn't appreciate the subtle smirk that laced Mia's attractive features. There was something about this girl that she didn't trust, and it wasn't just because of her indiscretion with Hank, either.

"Goodbye, Mia," Hank said pointedly. He didn't miss the lingering gaze she gave him and then his cousin before she sauntered out of the room. Scully heaved a sigh of relief as they heard the front door click shut.

"Well, I believe we've had our fill of excitement for the morning," Scully commented dryly. But alas, that wasn't going to be the case. Just as the threesome headed towards the kitchen to salvage Scully's omelet, someone unlocked the front door from the outside.

"Hank!" This time the unknown female's voice sounded more mature to Scully, who estimated the woman to be around their age. Hank's eyes grew wide as he recognized the pain in the woman's voice.

"Karen, what's wrong?" He asked, hurrying over to her. "Is it Becca?" Karen nodded, barely able to speak as Hank pulled her into what he hoped was a comforting embrace.

"Oh God, she's missing! Hank, I can't find her anywhere. I called all of her friends and they haven't seen her either." Mulder and Scully witnessed this scene, trying their best to follow it. Scully knew that Mulder was having flashbacks of his sister's abduction, and grabbed his hand in support. This always happened whenever a young girl went missing.

"Have you called the police?" Karen nodded.

"Of course I did. They can't do anything unless she's been missing for twenty-four hours."

"That's bullshit," Hank growled, grabbing his car keys that were resting on the kitchen counter. "Let's go, Karen."

"I'll help you," Scully added, directing her statement at Karen. "Ma'm, you're in luck. My partner and I happen to be former FBI agents. Mulder is the best profiler the Bureau has ever seen. He can help you find your daughter."

"Thank you," Karen said quietly, giving the pair a grateful nod of acknowledgement.

"Alright, everyone in my car," said Hank, who was already heading for the door.

"Hank, wait!" Mulder called. "You dod't have andy leads. Do you?"

"No," said Karen with regret. "If I had any idea who would do this to her, I would've mentioned it. All I know is that I tucked her into bed last night and she was gone when I went to wake her this morning."

"She could've snuck out. We have to go look for her!" Hank cried.

"And where do you propose we start?" Mulder asked. "We deed to get the facts straight first."

Just then Hank's cell rang.

"It's Runkle," Hank informed Karen his best friend and book agent was on the other end. "I'll try and get him and Marce to help with the search." Hank stepped away to take his call while Mulder and Scully asked Karen about anyone who might have something against Becca, or even her or Hank.

"Hank, I'm having the worst day ever," Charlie Runkle vented.

"Charlie…" Hank cut in.

"Listen to me, man!" Charlie cried. "My secretary didn't show up for work today. I'm afraid she's going to tell my boss that we were messing around."

"Charlie…"

" I wish I'd never gotten involved with her, man," Hank's friend rambled. "After the shit she and Mia pulled stealing your new book-"

"CHARLIE!" Hank shouted. "I don't care about that shit. Becca is missing! Will you help us find her?"

"Of course, man. You should've said something earlier," Charlie said. "I just gotta tell my boss and then Marce and I can meet up with you and Karen."

"Thank you," Hank said gratefully. "I'll call you as soon as I know where we're going." Click. "Charlie and Marce are going to help us," he announced, walking back over to a distraught Karen and the two ex-agents.

"Thank God. Hank, I'm going to take Mulder and Scully over to the house," said Karen. "Mulder says that he might be able to find a clue as to who did this if he examines her room."

"Are you sure that's the best thing to do?" Hank wondered.

"We dod't have any leads," Mulder reminded him. "I deed somethig to go on before we go runding around town. I can solve this, Hank – I doe I can, especially wid Scully's help."

"Fine," Hank reluctantly agreed.

"Mulder, are you sure you're feeling up to this?" Scully asked, even though she knew what his answer would be.

"Scully, I dod't have a choice – this girl's life is at stake," Mulder reminded her. "And I am feeling a little better thad yesterday."

"Alright. Let's do this," said Scully, embracing his sense of determination. She and Mulder followed Hank and Karen into Karen's Toyota Corolla and got inside. As Hank peeled out of the drive, Scully prayed that Becca would be alright, not only for her sake, but for Mulder's.

End Ch. 5

A/N: I will update sooner than last time, I promise!!


	6. Clues

Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Fox, Californication belongs to Tom Kapinos and Showtime. David Duchovny is just the common factor, and more importantly, the inspiration!

A/N: Here it is, an update! See, told you it would be faster than last time. ;) This chapter sheds some light on Becca's disappearance. I hope you like it.

Ch. 6: Clues

With Hank driving, it wasn't long before they pulled up in front of Karen's house. Karen leapt out of the car and raced to open the garage door so that Mulder and Scully could look at Becca's room as quickly as possible. Karen and Hank showed the former FBI agents to Becca's bedroom on the first floor and hung back while they let the professionals begin their investigation.

"Hank, what if they don't find any clues?" Karen worried, sounding a tad hysterical. "What then!?"

"They will," Hank reassured her, taking full advantage of the situation to pull his ex in for a hug. Not that Karen would ever admit it, but she really appreciated Hank's comforting presence at the moment. "I have full confidence in my cousin Fox."

"I thought you said years ago that the guy was an idiot," Karen reminded him with a frown. Hank winced.

"I heard thad," Mulder growled, but continued with his search for anything that would tell him what happened to poor Becca.

"I was wrong, Karen," sighed Hank. "He may have spent half his life chasing after aliens, but Mulder is an extremely intelligent guy." He then added an "I hope" under his breath. Hank wanted to believe that Mulder and Scully would be able to lead him to his daughter, but at the moment he wasn't feeling very optimistic. Ten minutes later, Mulder and Scully turned around to face the frightened parents.

"I'm sorry, but our preliminary efforts haven't turned up hardly anything, other than the fact that she left through the window," Scully announced.

"Bud don'd be discouraged," Mulder added, seeing their faces fall. "We're going to check outside and see if we can find oud andything helpful." Walking past the parents, the former agents went back the way they came and out the front door.

"Scully, I don't know if we'll be able to find anything," Mulder said in a low voice, as not to be overheard by Hank and Karen who were right on their tail. "We could be dealing with a very clever kidnapper. Maybe she was even abducted by-"

"Please don't say it," Scully whispered fiercely. "Mulder, I know this circumstance reminds you of your sister, but I really don't think this has anything to do with aliens, or even kidnappers for that matter. More than likely Becca snuck out of the house, possibly to go somewhere with someone she trusted."

"But why would anyond sneak out of the house in the middle of the night?" Mulder wondered. "She's twelve, dot some love sick high-schooler."

"Mulder, didn't you ever sneak out of your parents' house to meet your friends at night when you were young?" Scully asked. Mulder shook his head, bewildered.

"Never mind," she sighed.

"You did?" Mulder asked, surprised.

"Not me," Scully admitted with a bit of a blush. "That was all Melissa and Bill. If you recall, I was the goody two shoes of the family."

"I'm sorry I broke you of thad habit, Scully," said her partner with a bit of a devilish smirk.

"Shut up, Mulder," she muttered, not really meaning it. Their banter came to a halt when they approached the ground outside Becca's bedroom window. Mulder bent down to examine the ground, being careful not to step anywhere near the indentations in the grass that could only mean footprints.

"Look at this, Scully," he said quietly, pointing out what was most likely their biggest clue yet. "There are two sets of footprints here."

"The smaller set must be Becca's," she concluded, bending down to take a closer look.

"You were right, Scully," Mulder admitted. "There's no side of a struggle. She must've gond with someond she knew."

"Now hold it right there," Hank growled. "I know my daughter. She wouldn't go sneaking off with just anyone. Are you sure she wasn't taken by force? What if the person had a weapon? She would've complied with their wishes then." Karen sniffled at the thought of her daughter being threatened.

"I'm positive," said Mulder. "Even if she _was_ threatened, there would've been at least some sign of thad. These foot patterns are completely normal.

"Karen, are you positive you've called every one of her friends?" Scully asked.

"Yes, I've called everyone I can think of," Karen fretted.

"Is there someone else she looks up to?" Mulder asked. "A boy perhaps, or an older girl thad would be able to coerce her into going with her?"

"I don't think she's into boys just yet," said Karen, prompting Hank to heave a sigh of relief. "And the only older girl she ever hangs out with is Mia…" Hank's eyes grew wide at this.

"You don't think Mia has anything to do with this, do you?" Mulder prompted him after noticing his reaction.

"With Mia, you never can tell," Hank muttered.

"Hank, Mia wouldn't hurt Becca," said Karen. "They're like sisters now."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, if there was something in it for Mia," Hank cautioned.

"But if it was Mia, why would she have bothered coming over to your house today?" Scully asked.

"Unless she was taunting him," Mulder mused. Scully raised her eyebrows at him. "What?" He cried. "Scully, we've seen sick shit like this before."

"Mulder, Mia may be many things, but I don't know. That makes no sense! But I wouldn't be surprised if Mia was involved somehow-"

"Wait a minute, Mia was over at your place today?" Karen asked, glaring at Hank.

"She may have stopped by for a bit," said Hank with a wince.

"May I ask why?" Karen had pulled away from Hank by this point.

"She tried to seduce Mulder," Hank offered.

"Only because she thought I was him," Mulder insisted, pointing at his cousin. Karen frowned.

"What?!"

"Shut up, all of you!" Scully interrupted them, before this turned into a yelling match. "Someone's pulling into the drive."

"It's Runkle!" Hank said with a small smile.

"And Marce," Karen added. "Thank God." They all watched as a bald man and an attractive brunette got out of their yellow van.

"Hank, Karen, we have a lead on what happened to Becca!" Charlie Runkle announced as he and his wife ran up to meet Hank.

"What are you talking about?" Hank asked, watching as Karen hugged her best friend Marce.

"Who are they?" Marce asked in her nasally voice, glancing over at Scully and Mulder in particular with interest.

"We're Special Agents Mulder and Scully, formerly with the FBI," Mulder said quickly.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Runkle," Scully added.

"Former? Whew," sighed Marce. "That's good because any weed you may find in the car is not mine."

"Can we get back to Becca now?" Karen yelled. "What did you find out, Charlie?" The bald man winced.

"When I went to my boss to ask him if it was alright for me to cut out early, he gave me a piece of mail that was delivered to my work. I thought it was odd, but I didn't open it until I picked up Marce. It turns out it was a ransom note for Becca!"

"What?" The foursome just stared at Runkle.

"Why the hell would the kidnapper give you the note and not me?" Hank cried. "Unless, they are connected to both you and me somehow." The two best buds shared a worried look. Mulder wished he knew what they were thinking.

"Can we see the note?" Scully asked. Wordlessly, Charlie handed it to her. It read:

_If you ever want to see young Miss Moody again, come to this address at noon, sharp. If you're not there, we're not responsible for our actions._

_110 Gregory Dr._

_Hollywood Hills, CA 90069_

"Oh my God, Mulder," Scully whispered as she read the ransom note. "It looks like you were right all along!"

"No, we both were," Mulder concluded grimly. "Becca _was_ kidnapped, but she went voluntarily because she believed she was going somewhere with someone she trusted." Just then Karen spoke up.

"Charlie, is there any one you can think of that knows both you and Hank who has something to gain by taking Becca?" Hank and Charlie shared a miserable look.

"I'm afraid so," sighed Runkle. "Hop in, everyone. I'll explain along the way."

"But where are we going?" Karen and Marce wanted to know as they all piled into the Runkles' van. Charlie sighed grimly.

"It's time we paid my little bitch of a secretary a visit."

333

"Hey Scully, this Runkle guy reminds me of Skinner," Mulder deadpanned as they sat in traffic on the freeway. "They both could star in Rogaine commercials together!"

"Shut up, Mulder," Scully said wearily, hoping they couldn't hear them up front. "I don't get why we're going to the secretary's house, though. I could swear that Mia has her hand in this."

"I think we'll find out that Mia has more to do with this than we realize," Mulder predicted, his voice low with worry. Scully leaned into his embrace, praying that they would both live through this experience. She didn't know what they would find once they reached the address but she had a feeling things were going to get worse before they got better. Little did she know, but Scully was right.

End Ch. 6

A/N: There you have it! Let me know what you think.


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